Battlefield
by LoveWithoutLimits
Summary: I never meant to start a war, You know, I never wanna hurt you, Why does love always feel like a battlefield". One mistake, one small mistake is all it takes to ruin the best thing that you ever had, what do you do then? SLASH KIRK/MCCOY
1. One Minute It's Love

**Disclaimer : I own nothing, all rights belong to makers, actors etc**

Warnings : Slash, Kirk/McCoy

AN1 : First attempt at a Kirk/McCoy story, inspired by the song Jordin Sparks - Battlefield, which i highly suggest listening to as it greatly influences this story and the mood created in the song will help with envisioning the story. 

**AN2 : Un'Beta'd, if anyone wants to Beta this story for me then drop me a line :)**

AN3 : Cross-posted on LJ at the Kirk_McCoy community if it looks familiar to you. 

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_  
One minute, it's love  
And, suddenly, it's like a battlefield  
One word turns into a  
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down  
_

Back when Jim was just a Cadet at the Academy (was it really only six months ago?) nearly every venture out ended in some variation of a fist fight. Returning from some seedy bar with a few fresh bruises and a split lip was just par for the course. People tended to expect it, Bones came to accept it. In the early days of their friendship Bones had tried to reign the young man in, he had learned pretty fast that it was better to just go along with things. It certainly made life a heck of a lot more simple.

Becoming the Captain of a Starship was anything but simple. It was no longer just his own well being that he had to be concerned with, but the well being of an entire crew. For the most part the fights stopped, he really didn't think that away missions counted, even if fifty percent of the time the fights were his fault. If that meant hat Jim went to Bones for medical assistance any less then that was just wishful thinking. Still, Bones would rather mend a phaser burn knowing it came from a mission gone south, then a glass filled head wound because of a bar fight any day.

Jim would like to think that it was his promotion that had levelled his head, that his position as Captain had matured him, but he knew that it was something else. Well, _someone _else. Considering they had been pretty much a constant factor during his Academy years, Jim shouldn't of been as surprised as he was to find that he was changing his behaviour because of Bones.

Sure, Bones had never really liked his 'hit first, ask later' attitude ever since they started keeping company, he had never made any secret of that fact either, but it had never been enough to prompt him to change. Until they had started serving on the Enterprise together. It had been small at first, Jim curbing his tongue when Bones gave him that 'don't be an arrogant ass' look, but soon it didn't even matter if Bones was even there. Just the knowledge that the man _might_ find out caused him to rethink his words before he said them, unclench his fist before he threw the first punch.

It took Jim many weeks and countless encounters before he could work out why in the hell he suddenly gave a heck how he had always behaved. It hit him like a brick to the stomach, a large brick, considering he was realising that he had the smallest of crushes on his CMO. Who was he kidding, he had a huge crush on Bones! He guessed this must be what prompted the other sudden change in his behaviour and really, he couldn't believe he had never noticed how odd it was before now. His interest in girls had severely dropped, to the point that he didn't think he'd tried to pick someone up in weeks. Sure, he could still appreciate when a fine woman walked past him, but he no longer felt the urge to pursue them. It was scary to say the very least.

Thing only started getting worse from there, his crush turning into a full out longing whenever he was in distance of the man. His skin would heat up at every small brush of contact, his mood brighten whenever they were together. It was disconcerting, the feelings strange to Jim. He had been with plenty of people, but he had never felt such strong feelings to someone before, let alone someone he considered his best friend.

Three months. That number was important for two very different reasons. It was three months before Jim caved and cornered Bones in the medical bay, his mouth rushing ahead of his brain and surging forwards to kiss the man, since Bones had responded to that kiss with equal fever, mouth claiming and mapping. It took three months for the moment to come, the moment when neither could hide and had to face what was going on. Jim found out that day that he wasn't alone in what he had been feeling, that every desire and fear was reflected back at him from Bones.

Three months was how long they had worked at their relationship, learning, growing, falling into a strange but exciting new routine.

Three months was how long it was before Jim made the biggest mistake of his life.

Three months until Jim ruined the best thing in his life (second to the Enterprise) with one, stupid, drunken accident.

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**So i know this is short, but i felt i needed to write this little bit before i could actually get into the story, the next chapters will be longer, have actual speech etc, just needed this background first :) hehe and i have a small smut scene written into the next chap already which is a feat for me, i avoid smut, but somehow it started writing itself (though don't expect anything long or amazing from me lol)**

**Oh yeah, review please??**


	2. It's The Smallest Things

**Disclaimer : I own nothing, all rights belong to makers, actors etc **

**Warnings : Slash, Kirk/McCoy**

**AN1 : First attempt at a Kirk/McCoy story, inspired by the song Jordin Sparks - Battlefield, which i highly suggest listening to as it greatly influences this story and the mood created in the song will help with envisioning the story.**

**AN2 : Un'Beta'd, if anyone wants to Beta this story for me then drop me a line :) **

**AN3 : Cross-posted on LJ at the Kirk_McCoy community if it looks familiar to you.**

**AN4: I am very impressed that i managed to write a smutty scene without cringing the whole way through since i hate writing them lol.**

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_Why is it the smallest things that tear us down  
My world's nothing when you're gone  
I'm out here without a shield - can't go back, now_

Jim swayed in his seat as he threw back the last of his beer, he couldn't remember if this was his sixth or seventh but by this point it didn't really matter too much to him. His face was relaxed, his body humming from the alcohol in his system. It had been too long since he was able to just chill at a bar, grab a few drinks, six months to be exact. Ever since the fall of Nero and the Nevada, the Enterprise had been nothing less of hectic, it's crew rushed in and out of the Academy and chucked head first into ship life. It was a good thing, Jim decided, they had accomplished a lot even in the short amount of time. His crew was growing stronger everyday, working out how to work and live together. Still, those six months had left no time to just stop and take a breath, something the people definitely deserved after everything that they had lost.

They had finally been granted a week of shore leave, it wasn't much but it was still something, there were still many matters that needed the Federations attention after all. A part of Jim had been saddened to have to leave his ship, which was quickly becoming more his home than anywhere had ever felt. Staying on the ship had not been an option though, he would never of gotten away with it, not if Bones had anything to say about it. Jim smiled to himself, remembering all to clearly the last conversation they had had before parting.

"You are under no circumstances to stay on this blasted ship." Bone's said sternly, turning off the last of the medical equipment. Jim grinned, swinging his feet idly from the edge of one of the beds.

"It was only an idea."

"Yeah and I know you and your ideas all too well Kid." Bones said, rolling his eyes at the pout that appeared on Jim's face. "Really Jim, how they ever gave you command when you act like a five year - oomph!"

Jim smiled as he pressed his body against the older mans, taking him completely by surprise, slipping his tongue into the others mouth with little resistance. His hands fisted in the clothes in front of him, bodies pressed flush against each other. His smile only widen as they pulled apart, Bones breath coming out with a slight pant, eyes dark and wide.

"I happen to think I have very good ideas." He smirked, one of his hands idly stroking the side of Bone's face. Bone's chose not to respond to that, although Jim thought he could easily imagine the sort of answer he would of gotten. That was if Bone's wasn't pushing him against the end of the nearest bed, hands deftly moving under his shirt and devouring his mouth. Jim gasped, back arching as Bone's pressed against him, already hard and with want radiating off of him.

"Shit, _Bones!_"

Bones smirked against the side of Jim's neck, mouth attaching to the vast amount of skin laid before him as Jim's head lolled to the side.

"If I find out you stayed here," Bones said huskily against skin, tongue licking along an earlobe.

"You'll what?" Jim challenged, his body trembling with need. Bones grinned mischievously, a look he had no doubt caught from Jim himself, hand squeezing suddenly at the front of the younger mans crotch, eliciting a satisfying moan in return.

"Am I understood?"

Jim could only groan in response, hips desperately bucking up into Bone's hand for the delicious friction it caused. Bones moved his hand away in response, settling it on Jim's thigh and raised a condescending eyebrow down at him. Jim swore and glared at the older man.

"Fuck, fine! I will not stay on the bloody ship if you put your hand back!" Jim growled, reaching up to tug the man by the back of the neck, mouths meeting in a bruising kiss, hard and forceful. Bones didn't need to be told twice, hand moving with practiced ease as it undid the zip of Jim's trousers, hand slipping inside. Jim's hips bucked, eyes fluttering closed as pleasure washed over him, one hand tangled in Bone's hair and the other gripping the edge of the bed. It didn't take long till he felt the familiar curl in his toes and the warmth spread up his body. He came seeing stars, body spent of energy as he came down, falling limply against Bones.

"I wonder what the crew would think if they knew all it took was a hand job to persuade you?" Bone's teased, straightening Jim's clothes back out and helping the man stand back up.

Jim glared, albeit a little weakly. "Smug bastard." Bones merely rolled his eyes, turning back to stuff the last of the notes he would be needing into his case. A smile pulled at his mouth as he felt Jim come up behind him, wrapping his arms around him tightly, Jim was always the most cuddly after he was spent.

"You could just stay with me, make sure I am a good boy." Jim said softly, forehead resting against the back of Bones shoulder.

"I'll only be gone three days Jim." Bones said with a sigh, trying to hide how to even him that sounded like a long time. On the ship they spent a lot of time apart, but each night at least they could go back to each other.

"Still long." Jim mumbled, echoing Bones thoughts. "Don't see why you have to go."

"If you want me to keep my job I have to, as brilliant as you think I am, I still need to learn to keep up with all the vile things floating around." Bones explained for what felt like the umpteenth time.

Jim didn't say anything in reply, just nuzzled his head a little and sighed, his breath tickling the small hairs on Bone's neck. Bones smile slipped a little sadly. For all the bravado that Jim put on, he was learning that the man was really a softy at heart, living on the comfort he craved from others but would never ask for. Turning Bones moved his arms to encircle him, letting Jim's head fall into the crook of his neck.

"You'll be fine Kid, hit a few bars, harass a few locals. I'll be back soon as I can." Bone's said quietly, rocking Jim in his arms almost without thought. Bones blamed the kids upbringing for his touchy nature, since it always felt like he was compensating for the distinct lack of care he was shown back then. Bones found he didn't mind in the slightest. A few minutes passed before Jim pushed back, taking a shuddering breath before pushing his game face back to the surface.

"Course I'll be fine, I'm Captain James Kirk." He laughed, his cocky smile shining in full force.

Jim chuckled at the memory, reaching blindly for another beer, bringing it to his lips and taking a long drag. Three days really had been long. The last couple of days had seemed to drag. He had visited his mother the day after they had reached port and wasn't that an enjoyable experience. The relationship with his mother was strained at best. He'd spent the last couple days idly going round down, taking out his motorcycle. He had missed the feel of riding the machine, the motion of it under him. Still, two nights of laying in a bed alone was almost close to torture. Jim smiled though, because tonight Bone's was due back from his conference. That was why Jim found himself in this bar, waiting there as per instructions he had gotten this morning from a small communication. Jim was almost bubbling with anticipation, so much so that he had probably drunk far too much while waiting.

"Hey sugar."

Jim was pushed from his musings by the sound of a honey-sweet voice from beside him. He turned his head to see a girl sit down on his right, all legs and breasts in her small attire. He smiled his winning grin out of habit.

"Hey there."

"Noticed you were sitting here alone, didn't seem right that a guy like yourself was alone." She cooed, voice slow and dripping with a clear tone of seduction.

"I'm waiting for someone." Jim said, knocking back the last of yet another beer.

"Keep you company?" She grinned, raising her eyebrows suggestively at him, leaning in slightly closer. Jim was about to decline when she offered a beer forward towards him, her fingers holding the neck of it delicately. He shrugged, deciding if he got a drink out of it then there was worse things to be doing while he waited. He took the beer with a thanks, tipping it to his lips with barely a thought.

The girl grinned, her eyes glinting as his head fell back and then forward, the liquid running down his throat. Jim blinked as his vision fogged, the room spinning before settling back down again.

"You okay?" The girl questioned.

"Yeah, I-" Jim said thickly, shaking his head. His limbs felt heavy and shaky. Definitely too many drinks then he decided. "Just felt dizzy for a second."

"I can help with that." The nameless girl said, her voice softer and slower as she leant forward, her hair tickling Jim's face as she breathed against his cheek. Her lips we soft as they trailed barely there over his, before settling firmer and more demanding, slipping her tongue into his pliant mouth. Jim's mouth reacted with barely a conscious thought, tangling with hers and deepening the kiss. His hands fell onto the back of her head, her fingers gripping the back of his neck firmly. The kiss was slow and stretched on, the room falling away.

Jim's breath was short as he pulled away and when did he close his eyes? As he opened them his breath stopped all together as they focussed forwards. Not on the girl, who was smiling triumphantly, but at the doorway behind her. Jim knew the look of betrayal on Bone's face would haunt him for the rest of his life.

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**Thank you everyone who has reviews so far and alerted! You make my day lol**

**I'm all for suggestion so if there is something you'd like to see happen then let me know :)**


	3. Never Meant To Start A War

**Disclaimer : I own nothing, all rights belong to makers, actors etc **

**Warnings : Slash, Kirk/McCoy**

**AN1 : First attempt at a Kirk/McCoy story, inspired by the song Jordin Sparks - Battlefield, which i highly suggest listening to as it greatly influences this story and the mood created in the song will help with envisioning the story.**

**AN2 : I have a beta now, though none of the parts have been beta'd yet but i will replace the chaps when they are done :)**

**AN3 : Cross-posted on LJ at the Kirk_McCoy community if it looks familiar to you. **

**AN4: So i have actually now done the first set of scenes that i saw in my head, the next lot of scenes i saw don't happen for least couple more chapters sooo i gotta work out what happens before then lol, so sorry if it gets little longer between updates now before i work it all out :)**

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_I never meant to start a war  
You know, I never wanna hurt you_

Bone's felt like the air in his lungs had been forcefully pushed out, the tightness in his chest consuming and strangling. It was a praise on Jim that when Bones' had come through the door that night, that he had been genuinely surprised as to what he had seen before him. He had thought the days of Jim the flirt were gone, left behind, but obviously he was wrong. The spike of pain that had gone through him at the sight of her lips on his, his hands grasping onto her was unlike he had felt in a very long time. It made him feel sick to his stomach, only made worse by the moment that they pulled away, Jim's eyes finding his like he had known he was there all along. Some part of his mind muttered that maybe he had.

Bones turned from the bar like he had been burnt, his hands clenching at his sides as he pushed past people to get out of the doorway, knowing he needed to get away from the bar as fast as he could. His eyes didn't see anything as he moved, his mind racing too fast, the image playing over and over. Jim had cheated on him, Jim had _cheated on him!_ Less than a year ago he would have been forced to admit that it wasn't a shocking event, but now, somehow he had convinced himself that Jim had changed. that he meant enough to the other man that he wouldn't feel the need to behave like that anymore. He was obviously wrong.

The blood in Bones' ears was pounding so hard and fast that he didn't hear the hurried footsteps behind him or the frantic sound of his name being called. It might have been instinct, or maybe just luck, but when he felt a hand close around his arm, trying to pull him to a stop, his body reacted without thought. His fist came, levelled with enough anger and betrayal to make it a menacing hit, to land against what he hoped was the persons face. His hand stung from the shock of the hit as he turned, the sound of a body hitting the hard earth enough to grab his attention. A small bubble of satisfaction grew in his chest as he looked down at the sight of Jim sprawled on the floor.

Jim gaped up at Bones, shocked beyond words that the man had just hit him. He had never seen a violent reaction like that from the man before. His jaw throbbed from the punch and he brought his hand tentatively up to the spot, wincing as he pressed his fingers against it.

"Bones-" He tried to say before the simple act of making his mouth move caused him to suppress a groan. He made a mental note to praise Bones on his hit when he wasn't staring down at him like he was going to attempt it again. Jim pushed himself to his feet, the action putting him barely a couple feet away from Bones.

"It's not what you think." He blurted out quickly, his voice full of begging to be understood. The look of betrayal on Bones face before he had hurriedly left the bar, well it was beyond painful, it was like a thousand knives to the stomach.

Bones laughed, a hollow and cold sound, nothing like the humour it usually held. His eyes were dark and full of anger, hurt. A thousand come backs swam through his head, some far less polite than the rest. His fist curled against his side, debating just pounding the man to make his point. It wouldn't make him feel better, he realised, but god did he think that Jim deserved it. Bones felt his skin crawl as he looked at the man, taking in the desperate expression on his face, the fear, the hurt and pain etched across his features. Bones could of exploded. How dare Jim have those feelings when he was the one who was betrayed. He was the one who had to watch as the one thing he cherished treated their relationship like a second thought.

Bones eyes glared daggers before turning away from the man, relishing slightly in the flinch that Jim had let off at the expression. He heard what he thought was a whispered curse before he yet again heard Jim's footsteps follow behind him.

"Bones stop." Jim pleaded, rushing to keep up with the man. He couldn't just let Bones walk away from him, couldn't let him go thinking whatever the hell it was he was thinking.

"Please, Bones, please just listen to me. It's not what you think okay, it wasn't what it looked like." Jim rushed out, trying to ignore the way Bones' body became more tense the longer they walked. "Okay, maybe it was what it looked like but I didn't mean to, I swear."

Even to this own ears Jim knew his explanation was weak, pathetic. How could he possibly explain away what had happened? His gut twisted at the realisation that he had kissed another woman, had done it fully knowing that he was attached to someone, that the someone was going to be turning up at any minute.

"I don't know why I did that, I didn't even like her."

"You could of fooled me." Bone's gruff voice called back, his tone laced in surprise anger. Jim forced himself not to flinch and shrink back, telling himself that at least he had gotten Bones to say _something _instead of silence, though somehow the thought didn't console him. Jim swallowed hard.

"I don't know why I kissed her Bones, I don't even remember wanting to, it just happened. I'm sorry." The last part of the sentence came out as more of a desperate whisper, though Jim knew Bones had heard him from the way the man had shuddered. There was no way Jim could be prepared for the face that meant him as the man finally stopped to face him.

"You're sorry?" Bones' spat, venom lacing his voice. He felt like laughing at the statement alone. Jim's posture was of nothing else but defeat, pleading. His shoulders were slumped forward, his face as open as it ever been and his limbs hanging heavy. Bones found he didn't care one bit.

"You're sorry," He repeated, taking a step towards the man, "three days Jim, I've been gone three days and that's all it takes for you to jump into the arms of the first skirt that walks past you."

"It wasn't like that!" Jim protested.

"Damnit Jim! I saw you!" Bones yelled, his temper finally getting the better of him. "I walked through that door and saw you all over her!" His hands shook as he barked out his words, each one tearing at himself and Jim. "Nothing you say will change what I saw, you can't just erase that."

"I know, Bones I know, just-" Jim sighed frustrated, running his hand roughly through his hair. "This is all so fucked up!" He snapped.

"Your right, this is fucked up." Bones said, his voice lowering back down, suddenly strangely calm. A small glimmer of hope spiked in Jim and took a tentative step forward.

"Bones-"

"It's fucked up that I ever thought you could be different." Bones said in the same tone, his eyes locked onto Jim almost sadly. "I can't believe I thought I meant enough for you to be different."

Jim's heart felt like it was being clenched in his chest, every one of Bones' words slicing through him. He could feel it, that everything he had was falling apart before his eyes.

"No, no, you mean everything to me!" Jim pleaded, walking forwards and twisting his hands on the mans arms. Bones' turned his face away, not being able to stand the look he was getting. With his anger gone, the only feeling left in his chest was sorrow, deep and filling.

"I love you okay, that girl, it was a mistake, a drunken mistake. You, me, that's what matters to me. I love you."

Bones' hands were surprisingly steady, even to himself, as he pried Jim's hands from his arms, letting them fall limply to Jim's sides.

"Funny," Bones' voice was strained as he spoke. "Three days ago I would of believed that."

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**Gah, these still aren't nearly as long as i want them to be! It's... frustrating, but i like this chapter so it doesn't bother me so much lol**

**As always, drop me a line if you like, well even if you don't, reviews make me smile :)**


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